As a single mom, you have one of the most challenging jobs in the world. You're your family's primary caretaker, breadwinner, and emotional support. But amid all these responsibilities, it's easy to forget your needs. That's why I'm here to remind you that taking care of yourself is not selfish; it's essential. In this post, we'll explore why self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect are crucial for single moms, how to identify healthy and unhealthy levels of these qualities, and practical, simple tips for boosting them. Let's dive in and discover how you can elevate your life as a single mom.

Understanding Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect

To fully understand the importance of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect for single moms, it's essential to define each quality and how they differ. For example, self-esteem is the overall sense of self-worth and confidence. In contrast, self-worth is the belief in one's intrinsic value. Finally, self-respect is the act of treating oneself with dignity and respect. 

For single moms, having healthy levels of all three qualities is crucial for their overall well-being. For example, a single mom with high self-esteem is better equipped to handle the day-to-day challenges of raising her children alone. With a strong sense of self-worth, she knows she's valuable and worthy of love and respect. And when she has self-respect, she can set boundaries and make decisions that are in her best interest and the best interest of her family.

However, it's important to note that having too much or too little of these qualities can be detrimental. For example, having too much self-esteem can lead to arrogance and narcissism. 

What, exactly, is arrogance? An article by Chris Drew, Ph.D. on HelpfulProfessor.com explains it best. I'll save you the trouble of reading it (unless you want to, in which case you can click here):

"Arrogance is a trait people have when they have more confidence than they really should. They think they are better than they really are and fail to see their faults."

Since they act as though they are better than others and fail to consider different points of view, it can be challenging to get along with an arrogant person. Another annoying habit of the arrogant person is bragging about themselves, like, all the time. Below are ten examples of what arrogant behavior looks like from Dr. Chris Drew's article.

10 Examples of Arrogance in Action

1. Thinking you are better than everyone

2. Thinking you can do something hard without practice

3. Assuming you know more than the experts

4. Lacking humility

5. Thinking you're always right

6. Inability to see your faults

7. Thinking you're an expert (without putting the effort in)

9. Stepping into a boxing ring without practice

10. Refusing to listen to other points of view

Okay, so what is narcissism? Isn't that the same as arrogance? Not exactly. A narcissist is an individual that's so self-absorbed they have little to no capacity for empathy. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be annoying and feel one-sided. Even worse is being in a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, which those with low self-esteem are more prone to. These relationships mess with your mind and can leave scars that are difficult to heal. To illustrate, consider clicking here to read these real-life stories from an article by Alyssa Sybertz before continuing. 

So, we can see the dangers of excessive self-esteem. But, at the same time, too little can result in low self-confidence and self-doubt. It's a delicate balance that requires constant self-reflection and awareness. 

How do you know if you have low self-esteem? Here are some examples of what that could look like in your life from this article by Australia's Better Health Channel:

Characteristics of Low Self-Esteem

Typically, a person with low self-esteem:

• Is extremely self-critical
• Ignores or downplays positive traits
• Thinks of themselves as "less than" their peers
• Describes themselves in limiting, negative terms like stupid, fat, lazy, and worthless.
• Has thoughts about themselves (this is called 'self-talk') that are always negative, critical, and self-blaming.
• Assumes that luck plays a prominent role in all their achievements instead of taking credit when deserved. (Remind you of Lucky Girl Syndrome, anyone?) 
• When things go wrong, they blame themselves even for circumstances they have no control over, such as economics or weather. 
• They have difficulty accepting compliments or praise because they don't believe they deserve it.

Low Self-Esteem and Quality of Life

Here are some ways that having low levels of self-esteem negatively impacts quality of life:

• Negative feelings – constant self-criticism can lead to persistent shame, anxiety, sadness, guilt, and depression.
• Relationship problems – like engaging in people-pleasing behavior or tolerating unreasonable treatment because they think they are not worthy of healthy love or that love must be earned. I used to be so guilty of this in romantic relationships, friendships, and even with family. On the flip side, someone with low self-esteem may feel angry and act like a bully. This also leads to challenges in relationships.
• Fear of trying – because they doubt their ability to succeed, they may avoid challenges altogether.
• Perfectionism – a person may push themselves and become an over-achiever to make up for what they see as their inferiority.
• Fear of judgment – they feel self-conscious and stressed around others, always looking for signs that others don't like or disapprove of them. This can look like social anxiety. 
• Low resilience – even minor challenges seem like major hurdles when a person lacks sufficient levels of self-esteem.
• Lack of self-care – the person may neglect or abuse themselves, for example, by drinking too much alcohol, smoking a pack of cigarettes or more each day, or running on little to no sleep for days on end.
• Self-harming behaviors – low self-esteem increases the risk of self-harm, for example, eating disorders, drug abuse, or ending your own life.

Causes of Low Self-Esteem

So how did we get here? Some of the potential causes of low self-esteem are listed below.

• A childhood where significant influences such as parents, teachers, or church leaders were highly critical, unaccepting, or emotionally absent or unstable. 
• Performing poorly in school, sports, or other social environments involving scores or grading. 
• As an adult, self-esteem can suffer because of ongoing stressful life events such as a divorce, break-up, or financial trouble.
• Poor treatment from a partner, parent, or caregiver, for example, being in an abusive relationship
• Chronic pain, severe illness, disability, or other physical health disease or disorder. 
• Mental illnesses such as anxiety and depression.

Most people, especially single moms, have experienced one or more potential causes. So, it's no wonder we may struggle with self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. Next, we'll dive deeper into why single moms need healthy levels of these qualities and how to identify when they may be lacking.

Why Single Moms Should Care About Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect

Having healthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect is crucial for single moms. When these qualities are balanced, they can help single moms feel confident in their abilities, make sound decisions, and establish healthy relationships. On the other hand, when these qualities are lacking, single moms may struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy. When overactive, you may manipulate, mistreat, or abuse others. 

Furthermore, single moms face unique challenges impacting self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. For example, societal stigma and negative stereotypes can make you feel undervalued and unsupported. Also, juggling multiple responsibilities can make prioritizing self-care and maintaining healthy boundaries challenging. 

By understanding the importance of healthy levels of these qualities, single moms can take steps to strengthen their sense of self and improve their overall well-being. 

By having healthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect, single moms can improve their ability to tackle daily challenges and overcome obstacles. On the other hand, unhealthy levels of these qualities can lead to negative self-talk, self-doubt, and a lack of self-compassion. Or, contrastingly, to manipulation, arrogance, or narcissism.

Let's move on to discovering the signs of healthy and unhealthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect to help you identify areas for growth.

Healthy Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect in Action

Signs of healthy self-esteem include feeling confident in one's abilities, being resilient, and having a positive outlook on life. According to this article by Psychologist Courtney Ackerman, people with high self-esteem:

• Appreciate themselves and other people.
• Enjoy growing as a person and finding fulfillment and meaning in their lives.
• They can dig deep within themselves and be creative.
• Make their own decisions and conform to what others tell them to be only when they agree.
• See the word in realistic terms, accepting others as they are while inspiring greater confidence and positive growth in them.
• Focus on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. 
• Have healthy, supportive, respectful relationships with friends, family, and romantic partners.
• Live life in alignment with their values.
• Express themselves authentically, openly, and kindly while being able to be firm and set boundaries when needed.
• Strive to be a positive influence on others. 
• Act assertively without guilt.
• Find it easy to communicate with other people. 
• They are focused on the present and rarely dwell on the past. 
• See themselves as no better or worse than anyone else.
• Easily spot red flags and signs of manipulation. 
• Let themselves feel and express their feelings without glossing over, suppressing, numbing, or ignoring them. 
• Balances work, play, and rest to avoid burnout. 
• Accept challenges, take risks, fail forward, and learn from their mistakes. 
• Takes criticism like a champ, knowing that the opinions of others are tools for reflection and not necessarily fact. 
• Is not afraid of communicating needs, likes, dislikes, and other "touchy" subjects that others avoid.
• Value others and accept them as they are without trying to change them. 

Consider a single mom out on a first date, for example. She really likes the man she is going out with, so she is eager to make a good impression and connect with him. However, during their conversations on the date, she learns that she is motivated and driven by entirely different values and has very different tastes in almost everything.

She offers her views instead of going along with his expressed opinions. She isn't afraid to disagree with her date. Her high self-esteem makes her stay true to her values. It allows her to easily communicate with others, even when they disagree. To her, it is more important to behave authentically than to focus on getting her date to approve.

As you can see, healthy self-worth is displayed by setting healthy boundaries, valuing oneself, and having a sense of purpose and direction. 

Some signs of healthy self-respect include speaking up for oneself, standing up for one's beliefs, and caring for one's personal needs. 

On the other hand, unhealthy self-esteem can lead to self-deprecation, feelings of worthlessness, and a lack of self-confidence. In addition, unhealthy self-worth is often displayed by engaging in negative self-talk, allowing others to disrespect personal boundaries, and feeling aimless or unfulfilled in life. Lastly, exhibiting a lack of self-respect can manifest as self-neglect, allowing others to manipulate or mistreat you, and failing to stand up for yourself in difficult situations.

By understanding the signs of healthy and unhealthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect, single moms can identify areas where they can improve. 

Practical Tips for Boosting Your Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect

Implementing these qualities in one's life is easier said than done. Here are some practical tips to help single moms boost their self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect:

1. Practice Self-Care Often: 

Taking care of oneself is crucial for building healthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. This involves getting adequate sleep, exercise, and nutrition. It also includes setting aside time for rest and relaxation, pursuing hobbies, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. 

2. Challenge Negative Self-Talk: 

Negative self-talk can undermine self-esteem and self-worth. Whenever negative thoughts arise, try to challenge them by questioning their validity. Then, replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and thoughts. 

I love Byron Katie's "The Work" for challenging negative self-talk and beliefs. I use it for myself and with my coaching clients. So, get out a pen and paper, and let's try this together. I'll give you a minute to gather supplies and settle back in.

Now that you're back start thinking of a stressful situation like an argument. Try to recall the event, the circumstances, and how you felt, then answer the following questions. Use short, simple sentences and words, like a child would.

1. In this situation, who angers, confuses, hurts, saddens, or disappoints you, and why?

For example, I am angry with Paul because he lied and frightened me when I confronted him.

2. In this situation, how do you want them to change? What do you want them to do?

I want him to apologize. I want him to stop lying to me.

3. In this situation, what advice would you offer them? "He/she should/shouldn't…"

Paul shouldn't yell at me for misunderstanding what he said. Instead, he should take a time out. 

4. To be happy in this situation, what do you need them to think, say, feel, or do?

I need Paul to stop talking over me. I need him to listen to me.

5. What did you think of them in this situation? Make a list. (It's okay to be petty and judgmental.)

Paul is a liar. He's a jerk who doesn't care how he hurts other people.

6. What is it about this person and situation that you never want to experience again?

I don't ever want Paul to lie to me again. I don't ever want to be disrespected again. I don't ever want to feel afraid of Paul again.

Now question each of your statements using the four questions: 

1. Is it 100% undeniably true? (Yes or no. If no, move to question 3.)

2. What is your proof that it's true beyond a shadow of a doubt? 

3. What happens when you believe that thought? How do you feel? How do you act?

4. Who or what would you be without the thought?

Now, turn the thought around.  

Paul told the truth, but I misunderstood what he told me.

Find proof that this new thought is as accurate, if not more valid than the original. Try to find three to five examples of evidence to support the new truth.

1. He never said he would be there. I assumed he would because I wanted him to. 
2. When he tells me he will be somewhere, Paul shows up or lets me know when he realizes he can't come.
3. He's never stood me up before. 

End with "I forgive myself for believing (original thought). I am willing to believe (replacement thought). I look forward to (insert answer to question #4)." 

"I forgive myself for believing that Paul lied to me. I am willing to believe that it was a simple misunderstanding. I look forward to trusting him and feeling safe in his presence."

Now, notice how you feel about the situation. Do you feel better, worse, or the same?

3. Identify Personal Boundaries: 

Setting personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining healthy levels of self-respect. Identify acceptable and unacceptable behavior towards you, and communicate this assertively. Saying "no" to people and situations that do not align with your values and goals helps to create a healthy sense of self-respect. This one is especially vital in relationships and dating because we all know that guys will take advantage of you if you do not set and enforce boundaries. And if you didn't know that, you do now! 

4. Celebrate Small Wins: 

Celebrating small victories and successes can help improve self-esteem and self-worth. It's so essential that I wrote a blog post all about it earlier this year. Recognize and acknowledge your accomplishments, regardless of how big or small they are. Give yourself permission to feel proud of your achievements.

By practicing these tips, single moms can build healthy self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. In addition, doing so can increase confidence and resilience, enabling you to tackle challenges and thrive daily.

Embodying Healthy Self-Esteem, Self-Worth, and Self-Respect

As a single mom, it's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and neglect your own well-being. Believe me, I know! However, by prioritizing your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. You can set a powerful example for your children and build a foundation for a fulfilling life. Recognizing the signs of healthy and unhealthy levels of these qualities and implementing practical tips for boosting them can make all the difference. 

Remember to be patient and kind to yourself throughout the process, and as a next step, consider trying out a coaching program to deepen your understanding and practice of these concepts. As the saying goes, "You can't pour from an empty cup." But, by filling your cup, you're better equipped to give to those around you.

One way you can take care of yourself better is by joining this 12-week program designed to transform single moms who feel insecure about their desirability into confident, glowing goddesses who know they're a catch. We do this using my proprietary coaching method that focuses on clearing the slate of any baggage left over from past relationships. I also help remind the women I work with of all the qualities that make them desirable so they can change the paradigm of dating as a single mom and glow up their lives in general. This allows you to energetically attract a loving, supportive, healthy relationship that lasts and to feel more comfortable in your skin until it manifests. 

Before you click this link to schedule a quick consult call that can help you glow up from the inside out, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking time out of your life to read this blog post. You don't know how much the gift of your presence here means to me. I hope these tips helped you. 

I'll see you back here next week, glowing goddesses!

Like this article? Here are some more like it:

• Breaking Free: Letting Go to Create a Better Future
• Crack the Confidence Code: Empowering Single Moms to Embrace Their True Potential
• Fear vs. Purpose: Making Your Why Stronger as a Single Mom
• The One Thing Holding You Back From Love 

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